I received a lovely email from a reader named Cindy. She stumbled upon my blog posts about getting two cats to get along. Cindy is in a similar situation and asked for more help. Her message in summary: She recently adopted a kitten and is in love with it. She also has an older cat around 5 years old with anxiety issues. The two cats don’t get along but she hopes they can co-exist. She’s used the tips from my articles and wants more advice.
I had written articles on this topic: ‘How to Get Two Cats to Get Along: What I Did & Yes, It Absolutely Worked’, ‘My Lap Cat’s Personality Didn’t Change After I Got a Second Cat (This Did…)’, and ‘Help! My Cat’s Personality Changed After Adopting a Second Cat!’, ‘I Got a Second Cat & Now My My Old Cat Pees Everywhere’.
I’ve had cats my whole life. One of my cats responds in ways that make sense to me. No problem there, just joy!
The problem is my other cat, a 5-year-old female. I’ve had her since she was 8 weeks old. She came from a farm. Her mother is a barn cat. Unfortunately, she was separated from her mother and siblings for an unknown period before coming to me. She was born during a summer when the Napa Fires in Napa Valley, California, were horrible. Even though we live 30 miles away, our air was seriously polluted with smoke. Dolly (her name) had a serious respiratory infection due to the smoke. The owner thought it was some other illness and separated her from her litter mates and mother. When she came to me, she was physically and emotionally damaged. Fixing her physically was easy with a trip to the vet and antibiotics. But fixing her insecurities has been an ongoing project. I’ve spoiled and loved her in every way I know how over the past 5 years. However, she remains painfully shy and frightened of almost everything and everyone. During the past five years, Covid hit, bringing isolation and socialization didn’t happen. My husband has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and I am his caretaker. I’ve been home with Dolly 24/7 as required to take care of my husband. This major transition from leading normal lives to where we are today has impacted everything more than I thought. Poor Dolly is still in stress city. She shows signs of major stress that I’ve never encountered before. For example, she can be affectionate briefly but then quickly bite or scratch me hard. This is not overstimulated playtime gone awry. She gets overstimulated very quickly and bites to tell me to stop. Or if I’m playing ‘mouse’ with her (toy mouse on a wand, her favorite) and pick up the phone while playing, she will bite me to express her disapproval of me sharing my attention. Now, enter my new little kitten. I knew there would be a transition. As I’m trying to navigate this new beginning, I’m realizing for the first time (or maybe I didn’t want to see it before) how damaged Dolly is and how stressed she is. I thought a friend might be good for her as she often acts bored and lonely, watching outside cats or squirrels through the window. I’m also trying to balance my life as a 24/7 caretaker.Dear Cindy, I’ve read your essay on the challenges of introducing a new kitten to your home, and I commend your efforts in ensuring a safe and gradual acclimation process for both cats. You’ve taken the right steps by using a pet ‘screen door’ to separate the new kitten from Dolly, allowing them to see and smell each other without direct contact. This method is crucial for their initial introduction and helps in reducing stress.
Initially, Dolly was hesitant to even approach the hallway, preferring to stay away from the new kitten. However, over the course of a week, she has started to observe the kitten from a distance, showing curiosity rather than aggression. This is a positive sign and indicates that Dolly is beginning to adjust to the new presence in the house. You’ve also been doubling your efforts to show love and affection to Dolly, which is essential in helping her cope with the stress she’s been experiencing. It’s important to remember that stress and anxiety can be the root cause of many behavioral issues in cats, and addressing these underlying emotions is key to resolving the situation. Moving forward, it’s crucial to continue providing a loving and stress-free environment for Dolly. Patience is vital, as it can take time for cats to adjust to new situations and companions. Keep reinforcing positive interactions and gradually increase the opportunities for Dolly and the kitten to interact under controlled conditions. Over time, this can lead to a more harmonious coexistence. I understand your concerns and the love you have for both your cats. It’s clear that you’re doing your best to create a happy home for them. Remember, every cat is unique, and the process of acceptance can vary. But with time, care, and understanding, there’s hope that Dolly and the new kitten can learn to coexist peacefully. Thank you for reaching out, and please don’t hesitate to ask for more advice or support. Your dedication to your cats’ well-being is commendable, and I’m here to help in any way I can. Warm regards, Elise. My Advice to Cindy: How to Help Her 5-Year-Old Adult Cat Accept the New Kitten’s Presence With Less AnxietyJust as with humans, our approach to cat care is similar most of the time. The Amazon Basics Large Cat Activity Tree can be found on Amazon or eBay.
In addressing your specific situation, I see a lot of hope. This is not said lightly, but rather with conviction. There are many reasons for optimism, and here’s what you have going for you:
You’re making an effort, which is the first and most fundamental step. It’s something few people continue to do over time because sustained effort can be challenging.
You show empathy and understand your cats as best as you can. Even when you can’t predict something, you understand why it happened afterward, which is a valuable tool for improving the situation.
You spend a lot of time at home, which is commendable as you’re also a caretaker for your husband. This means you have one-on-one time with the cats throughout the day, which is beneficial for training as consistent short interactions are more effective.
You’ve mastered the basics and are looking for more ways to engage, which is a significant advantage. I’ll provide a game plan for you.
Unexpectedly, it’s possible that your new kitten could help your stressed and anxious adult cat heal and become less nervous. I’ve written about my personal experience with this transformation over time with my first cat, Avery.
I realized this could be a separate post, so I’ll share that story another day. Subscribe to this blog for updates, and I’ll link this post when it’s available. (Edit 2024-01-08: The new post is now available here!)
In your case, your old cat is acting out as if it had siblings, biting you as if you were a cat mom, not intending to hurt but not knowing how to get its way. It wants attention, and it seems it only has you and your husband at home.
You might find that these two cats can help and heal each other as they grow together. But first, you need to get them to co-exist, and then the magic happens slowly over time as they learn to build a relationship. The magic often happens in unexpected ways and isn’t perfect, but it usually does occur.
To help them co-exist, here are my tricks that you should use as often as possible to aid in the acceptance process:
1. Whenever you play with your adult cat, put your kitten in a carrier and place her nearby. The Amazon Basics Soft-Sided Mesh Pet Travel Carrier, Small is available on Amazon.
Introducing a new kitten to an adult cat can be a stressful experience for both. Initially, adult cats may react negatively to the playful behavior of a new kitten, perceiving it as a threat or a form of hunting practice. My adult cat, Avery, displayed such behavior when I brought home Bjorn, a more playful cat. Avery would hiss and grumble whenever Bjorn played, indicating his discomfort.
Understanding that play can be interpreted as a potential fight or threat by cats, I embarked on a process to help them coexist peacefully. The first step was to have the adult cat play in front of the younger one, with the younger cat safely in a carrier. This allowed Avery to fulfill his needs while reducing the perceived threat from Bjorn. Sherpa Original Deluxe Pet Travel Carrier Medium – Amazon / eBay Next, I reversed the roles, placing the adult cat in a carrier while playing with the kitten. This exposure therapy helped Avery to gradually become indifferent to Bjorn’s playfulness, as no negative outcomes occurred despite the repeated exposure. Amazon Basics Soft-Sided Mesh Pet Travel Carrier, Small – Amazon Finally, I introduced the kitten in a carrier next to me on the couch while cuddling Avery. This process took time, starting with the kitten in a carrier sniffing and hissing, and slowly progressing to the kitten being on the sofa while Avery was nearby. The aim was to ensure both cats were present, with the kitten safe and Avery receiving love and affection, helping him understand that the new kitten was not a threat to his relationship with me.When introducing a new kitten to an adult cat, it’s crucial to follow a step-by-step process to ensure a peaceful coexistence. Start by placing the kitten in a carrier and allowing the adult cat to roam freely for a few hours. Then, switch roles, allowing the kitten to explore while the adult cat is in the carrier. This controlled interaction helps them get used to each other’s presence without the risk of violence.
As they begin to ignore each other, which is a good sign, you can start to feed them together and engage in activities that the adult cat enjoys, with the new kitten present. This helps the adult cat associate the new kitten with positive experiences.
Products like Matatabi Silver Vine Cat Chew Sticks and PetSafe Healthy Pet Simply Feed Automatic Cat & Dog Feeder can be helpful during this process, as they provide distractions and help in managing feeding times. Similarly, the Catit Design Senses Food Maze can keep cats occupied and engaged.
It’s important to monitor their interactions closely, ensuring there’s no violence when you’re not around. Keep them in separate spaces and gradually increase their interactions. Even if progress seems slow, with persistence, they will likely start to coexist peacefully.
I’ve noticed a positive sign in your story where Dolly, the adult cat, is showing curiosity towards the new kitten without aggression. This indicates that she is beginning to tolerate the new addition, which is a significant step towards acceptance.
Remember, there might be setbacks, but maintaining separate spaces and consistent monitoring will eventually lead to a more harmonious relationship between the cats.
I have additional tips and tricks for managing overstimulation and biting, which I will cover in a future article. Subscribe to this blog for updates and stay tuned for more insights.
I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences with old cats and new kittens in the comments below. Your stories, tips, and advice could be invaluable to others facing similar situations.
