Throughout my life, I have had the privilege of befriending and adopting feral cats on three separate occasions. Each experience has been unique and has taught me valuable lessons about building trust and providing a loving home for these often misunderstood animals.
My first encounter was with Avery, who began visiting our house while we were cat sitting for a friend. Avery came by for food and, after gaining his trust, decided to stay with us permanently. You can read the full story of Avery’s journey here. Picture from post ‘Smitten With a Kitten – When a Stray Cat Adopts You’.
The second feral cat we befriended was Beau. As we were preparing to leave for the UK, Beau started showing up at our window, and we began feeding him. Over time, we built his trust and eventually invited him into our home. Beau adapted well and became a great house cat. My brother fell in love with him and took him in immediately. You can follow Beau’s life on my brother’s pet blog here.
The most recent addition to our family was Bjorn, who kept returning to our home and eventually wouldn’t leave. Initially, we thought he was a Persian with a family, but as time went on, we realized he was different from the other Persians in the area and likely a mix. After understanding his situation, we didn’t hesitate to take him in and give Avery a sibling.
Every feral or stray cat’s case is different. Some may be warm to you and house-trainable enough to allow you to take them in, while others may not be as receptive due to various reasons such as being fed by others, disliking human interaction, or roaming too much for a strong bond to form.
Understanding the nature of stray cats is crucial. Some may become regular visitors, showing affection and eating, but still preferring the outdoors. Others may gradually become house cats. It all depends on the individual cat.
My tips are not exhaustive, but they can provide guidance. Trust your instincts, prioritize safety, and proceed slowly to avoid scaring away the stray or feral cat., test boundaries and observe the cat’s body language. If the cat appears stressed, anxious, or uncomfortable, back off. However, don’t assume it’s too early to let the cat sniff your hand, pet it, or even pick it up. The cat’s response will guide your actions.
I invite you to share your own advice and experiences in the comments.
‘Getting Stray Cats to Come to You, Like You, & Befriend You’ is about gaining initial trust. If a cat approaches you confidently and without provocation, it’s likely not feral and may be a stray or someone’s pet. For most cats, especially ferals, trust must be built before they allow physical closeness.
Gaining initial trust involves three basics: food, fun, and familiarity. I’ll discuss each and encourage you to share your own vetted tips in the comments.
1. The Food: Your goal is to find a place where the stray/feral cat can eat and drink without stress, ideally close to your home. Start where the cat feels safe and gradually move the food closer to your home, ensuring the cat is comfortable. If the cat eats while you watch from a distance, try to approach to see if it continues eating.
When a cat is startled or scared, it’s essential to maintain your distance for a while before gradually getting closer over time. Approach the cat as closely as possible without making it stop eating for more than a moment, encouraging familiarity without scaring it away from the food bowl.
Always leave out food and water for the stray or feral cat, refilling when necessary, even if you don’t see the cat. Regularly providing food, whether or not you’re physically present, increases trust.
Once trust is established through regular feeding, try leaving the food bowl empty one day when you’ll be home and the cat is likely to be around. Encourage the cat to come near by gently tossing food in its direction, maintaining distance and gradually testing how close it will get for food.
Continue this process until the cat is comfortable eating close to you. Touching the cat at this stage carries the risk of startling it, so it’s better to wait until trust is further developed and the cat consistently eats close to you before attempting to touch it. Touches should be light and quick, just to get the cat used to your presence.
When you can get close to the cat, try playing with it in a non-threatening way. Using a long, thin branch as a makeshift wand toy can be effective. Run the branch along the floor in figure eights or along the side of the house to entice the cat to play. If the cat shows interest, you’re making progress. If it’s startled, try again another time to build curiosity and familiarity.
Building trust with a cat involves several key steps, including play, familiarity, and touch. Engage your cat in play for as long as possible to encourage bonding and create positive associations beyond just feeding. Speak to the cat in a reassuring tone and maintain a happy demeanor to foster trust.
Familiarity is crucial for cats, who rely heavily on scent. Utilize this by lining outdoor cat houses or cardboard boxes with blankets that carry your scent. This can be achieved by sleeping with the blankets for a night or two. Place a towel you’ve slept on under the food and water bowls to create a strong association between your scent and positive experiences like eating and drinking.
When it comes to touching, start by offering your finger for the cat to smell. If the cat shows no signs of stress or anxiety, you can attempt to touch the cat gently and smoothly. Always ensure there is no recoil or hesitation from the cat before proceeding with petting. If the cat appears uncomfortable, wait for it to approach you and offer a sniff of your hand to build familiarity.
Gradually, if the cat seems ready, test with a light single stroke, preferably on the back of the neck, back, or side of the cat. This approach helps the cat understand that touch does not equate to being picked up or petted excessively. Once trust is established, you can progress to more extensive petting sessions. Share any additional ideas for increasing familiarity in the comments below.
Your Turn: Thoughts & Tips on Befriending Stray Cats.
I’d love to hear any stories you have about befriending stray and feral cats. And I’m sure everyone reading this would love it if you left a comment with any tips and advice on the topic.
Let me know if there are any similar topics/advice you’d like to see related to this as well!
Looking forward to reading about your experiences with getting strays to come close and getting close to them in general. Always love reading through your stories!
In terms of petting cats, short, gentle pets are best. Don’t be rough at all, and avoid areas cats often find touchy, like the belly, until you know for certain the stray/feral cat is alright with you petting him or her.
If the single stroke was okay, you can try again with another, or wait until the cat reciprocates in some way by scenting or rubbing him or herself on you. Play it by ear, but if you’ve broken through the barrier and the cat is fine with you touching, that’s a huge step forward, and petting shouldn’t be too hard to break into.
